Photo by: Christopher Michel
1. Oh, F**k.
You clock them walking towards you. It’s going to be impossible to avoid them and you refuse to hide behind a bush, again. Cue several mumbled expletives. You’re trapped, and in precisely 10 seconds you’re going to have to confront the person you’ve spent the last five months trying to forget.
2. Stop Shaking.
The emotional shaking. Hey, thanks body for revealing the emotional stress I’m attempting to suppress. You’re not going to win the ‘Better at Moving on’ award if you’re shaking like a shitting dog. It’s not an attractive look.
3. Am I even still breathing?
The air around you seems to stop still. It feels like the atmosphere around you has suddenly sprung back on itself like the snapping of a rubber band. You take a forced, deep intake of breath and hear your lungs expand with reluctant anger. Maybe your body is refusing to breath in the same air as the person who emotionally stamped on your chest and smushed your heart.
4. HAVE I GOT FOOD IN MY TEETH?!
Why oh why oh why did you have to devour that burrito earlier. Curse you Silver Bullet Food Truck! You run your tongue across your teeth and purse your lips with a sharp intake of breath to form a food suction device. You MUST have that Hollywood smile.
5. Last time I saw you…
The memories are returning like waves swiftly breaking against the rocky cliff surface. With each new memory the kaleidoscope of emotions rolls over you. You remember all that happiness, and all that loss with mind-numbing accuracy. It’s hard to believe all that time has passed when you feel the sharp ache as if it were only yesterday that you broke up.
6. I miss you.
Suddenly nostalgic, you remember how safe you felt in their arms. You miss the lazy Saturday mornings curled up watching cookery shows. You miss the way they used to nuzzle into your neck as they fell further into sleep. You miss everything and anything about them, and it hurts so much more.
7. I hate you.
Irrational hatred of the ex now takes hold of you. How dare they attend the same university as you. They should’ve had the common decency to quit uni when they quit you. All those months of progress moving on from them are lost within a matter of moments. And you’re really f**king angry.
8. I feel sick.
That queasy feeling is next in line. You don’t feel physically prepared for this confrontation. In fact, you thought you were completely over it, but that feeling in your gut tells you completely otherwise.
9. Get a grip.
Okay, this is getting ridiculous. You can’t stay in this torturous cycle. Of course it hurts, but you need to reign yourself in. It’s over. No amount of emotional self-mutilation will change that. As tempting as it is to fall into that downward spiral of self pity, you must remain strong.
10. Right, I’m going to hold my head up high and smile.
Resolution. Finally. You hold yourself up high and smile in their general direction and continue on your journey. You’re going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.