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How To Flirt On Facebook

Seductive subtlety is the key to all flirtation, it has taken me twenty years to master it but I am finally confident that I have understood the rules of the dating game. If such a thing exists as a connoisseur of flirting then I suggest they consider opening a school and teaching the ways of flirtation to those incapable of it. I have bore witness far too many times to awkward conversations absent in sexual chemistry, for the sole reason that when it comes to social interaction with someone you like, certain unpleasant side effects rear their ugly heads. My personal downfall is the nervous stutter, though it gets worse, others must deal with such issues as the awkward silence or the accidental divulging of too much information.

Upon Facebook’s increasing popularity however, it has dawned on the mass of singles that a gate of flirtation has been left open, and a subsequent sigh of relief was heard worldwide. This in turn calls for a new set of rules for online flirtation, the seductive smile or playful touching of the arm have become obsolete and we are in need of new methods to entice the object if our desire.

Ladies I’m warning you, going through a guy’s Facebook photos and clicking ‘like’ under every one does not suggest you fancy him, it suggests you are (what has so eloquently been named) a ‘Facebook stalker’. Much like life outside the virtual world, desperation has never been the most attractive of qualities. I urge you to picture a cucumber and imitate it; coolness is what we are going for. If in life you wouldn’t dare go up to someone you fancy and poke them, then why would it suddenly become acceptable in virtual form?

I’ve never been one for playing it safe, but playing by the rules is a different matter; my first rule is don’t send anything on Facebook that will leave you waiting by your laptop in a nervous sweat. However witty or subtle your comment, there is always a chance it will be ignored and so everything you send should be written in awareness of this. Virtually batting your eyes at someone only becomes fun in the moments of reciprocation, so keep it interesting. I’ve never been a fan of small talk, perhaps you will find me harsh in calling it dull and pointless but I’ve always been a firm believer in only speaking when you have something worthwhile to say. After all, we’re aiming for a witty repartee not a friendly conversation about the weather.

Whilst I am no expert in matters of the heart, I have one last suggestion for those seeking romantic help. Your Facebook status is not a place for public love notes. There is nothing I cringe at more than someone who has yet to master the technique of subtlety and uses their status to ‘casually’ hint their affections. General consensus is, if you wouldn’t say it in public, don’t say it on Facebook, because (and I do hate being the bearer of bad news) it’s the same thing! A well-chosen profile picture, a casual comment, a relevant conversation topic is all you need, the rest is bordering on madness.

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