Warning: Contains high level of satire

Feminism is outdated, uncool, and frankly redundant in this day and age.

The pay gap is the lowest it’s ever been, women are allowed to play lead characters in films, and misogyny seems to be a thing of the past.

Gov.uk reported that women are now able to earn 82p for every £1 a man earns, which, when you take into account all the factors, is actually a pretty good deal. Women actually need less money to sustain themselves than men: according to current NHS guidelines, we only require 2,000 calories per day compared to the 2,500 calories needed by men. This works out at 80%, so if anything, in being paid 82% of what men earn, us women are being overpaid. Unfortunately, angry women still don’t feel like this is enough.

Some of this may be due to our superfluous spending habits skewing our perception of money. For some reason we tend to spend more money on these luxury items they call tampons, which carry a 5% tax for their opulence. Instead of spending our money on more essential items, ginger nuts and Victoria sponge cakes for example, which are zero-rated, tax free necessities.

Women are now well respected in politics, sports, and film. Female sports are receiving more and more funding each year; the woman’s football World Cup prize money stands at an impressive £2 million, over three times what the prize money was in 2014, and only £33 million shy of the men’s equivalent.

We also now have a female prime minister, who receives a proportionate amount of press for her political actions as she does for her style. The front-page Brexit coverage in The Daily Mail last year, urging people to forget Brexit and instead compare Scottish first minister Nicola Sturgeon and British prime minister Theresa May on their legs and decide who won ‘legs-it’, just goes to show how women can be respected for both their minds and their bodies. It’s sad that David Cameron’s legs never got the attention they deserved.

I can’t speak on behalf of all women, but I can say that I have certainly never experienced misogyny. I have never been told that my behaviour was unladylike, that my refusal to abandon a valid point in an argument was probably due to me menstruating, or that I needed to find a man to ‘look after’ me. I have never once felt unsafe walking home on my own at night; in fact, I’ve had many kind male strangers offer me a helping hand to make sure I get to my house, or even better, invite me to theirs as they live closer. These are random acts of kindness. And so are the many unprompted sexualised compliments and subtle touches of my body that often come alongside them. They make me feel good about myself; girls who complain are just so ungrateful.